Posts Tagged ‘relationship’
Friday, February 27th, 2009
Are your kids having a hard time warming up to your dating partner? Are they bluntly telling you that they dislike the person you’re dating? This can be due to a variety of factors including jealousy over your time they feel is taken away from them, anger towards anyone who may appear to be displacing their mom or dad, or your child’s perception that he or she is protecting you from any future hurt in your life. It helps to sit down individually with each child to explore the underlying feelings and their source. One suggestion that can be helpful is to have your date spend time alone with the child that dislikes him or her. They may actually get along much better in your absence. This is a common occurrence when the parent isn’t in the mix. They tend to work things out naturally, and you needn’t always assume the role of mediator. Are there certain qualities about your partner that you can see may be difficult for your child? For instance, is there a certain tone of voice your date may be using, or an offensive habit your date doesn’t realize he or she engages in? It could also be that your date doesn’t realize that they are being too critical or they continually interrupt others when they speak. If this is the case and it seems that the absence of this quality would enable your partner to experience personal growth, and you’re reasonable confident that your date is open to constructive dialog, it’s worth trying to discuss the subject. This has to be pointed out artfully and of course they may or not be motivated to make the commitment, and take the necessary steps, to change. If your kids have disliked everyone you’ve ever dated, this would tend to suggest that the issue isn’t about the specific person you are dating, but has more to do with the child’s fear that the other parent is systematically being “replaced”. Encourage your child to try to open up about their feelings. This isn’t always easy, especially during the teenage years. Share with your child a little about your insecurities about your own parents’ interaction and let them view you a bit as how you were as a kid and not just in your parenting role. Kids connect more when spoken to as an equal, where appropriate. Drawn on your own childhood experiences, and try to understand your child’s perspective, and provide the reassurance they need to feel comfortable enough to give your relationship a chance.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: children, commitment, dates, dating, dialog, dislike, insecurities, jealousy, kids, mediator, motivation, partner, reassurance, relationship
Posted in Dating & Children, Dating Men, Dating Women | 1 Comment »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
One of the most important aspects of a successful date is feeling comfortable. Part of feeling comfortable on a blind date, a scenario inherently rife with anticipation and potential anxiety, is to dictate the first impressions you make as soon as you walk into the room. There are some general guidelines when it comes to dressing for a blind date, and some of them could make or break your level of success when it comes to making a good, and accurate, first impression. First of all, dress appropriately. I.e.; if you’re going to be outside, you need to dress for the potential of walking on pavement, or cobblestone, or grass, or even sand. You never know when you might end up taking a romantic stroll, so be prepared! You’d hate to give up a chance to be romantic because you forgot to bring a coat or versatile shoes. Dress for the weather as well. No one wants to have their date shivering all night because they weren’t conscientious about dressing properly. If you are going to be going to an upscale locale, make sure that you dress the part. Do your homework; research the restaurant and make sure that you dress appropriately. The same goes for anything else you are planning on doing on your date. This is the first time your date will be seeing you, so make it count. It is always best to give the very best first impression that you can. Also, try to keep in mind the image that you want to convey about yourself. If you want to appear to be a certain way, you should dress that way. If you don’t dress how you want to appear, there is a chance that you aren’t going to be perceived the way you want to. The moment your date sees you, various split-second judgments and assessments will be made, conveying countless details about who you are and what you might be like. Be sure to dress as yourself, but dress also as you want others to see you.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: appearance, dates, dating, dress, guidelines, impression, internet, match, meeting, perception, preparation, relationship, rules, safety
Posted in Blind Dates, Dating Men | No Comments »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
People who like to save money prefer to be called “frugal” rather than cheap. On the other hand, those who do not like to have the money factor be the primary guiding principle prefer to use the word “stingy” or “cheap” to characterize someone who is detrimentally careful with the money they spend. When can someone who closely monitors their money be ascribed the label of cheap or stingy? There is no hard and fast rule on this matter. A lot of our reactions have to do with our preferences, unique situation, or even our family backgrounds. A person may be frugal for a variety of reasons, including their focusing on their future retirement or a fear of job insecurity and future downsizing, or observation of their parents spending habits. If your parents took the family out to dinner regularly, this may be a familiar and welcome part of your lifestyle. But to another person, eating out can be something reserved only for a special occasion. Having a date that is a coupon clipper can be seen as restrictive to you if you aren’t used to the practice. Money is one of the biggest reasons for relationship break ups, so it’s good to be on the same page about the subject if you are thinking about getting serious with someone. Different approaches towards money don’t necessarily have to be in opposition, but rather may be perceived as complimentary. For instance, you might actually enjoy that your date has taken the time to find and bring a coupon when you go to a restaurant or to a movies, thereby alleviating the need for you to read the newspapers to search for deals. If your love interest’s approach to finances constantly nags at you, try to resolve in your own mind how important this is to you. Will you always be frustrated by the emphasis on cutting costs and not be able to relax or have a sense of humor about it? If you can’t see the other positive qualities in your relationship and instead find yourself constantly harping on this verbally or in your own mind, then it probably won’t work at this time in your life. Do you continually argue and lock horns often over such differences? How attached are you to your personal preferences? Picture yourself not dating this person and what your life would be like. Also think carefully about your date and ask yourself whether you may be creating a “dream date” and not wanting to have a realistically compromise or working through potential difficulties with your date. Is this realistic? When you can overlook certain differences with your date, you may ultimately be able to laugh at yourself and your date, and realize that these differences may even enhance your relationship, and lead to the relationship becoming stronger.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: cheap.stingy, communication, compromise, concerns, dates, dating, differences, frugal, influences, instincts, match, meeting, money, rejection, relationship
Posted in Dating Courses, Dating Men | 1 Comment »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
Humor enables newly introduced couples to relax and feel comfortable in nearly any situation, including dating . Poking fun at oneself is also a way to make your date feel at ease. An easy, healthy laugh at one’s own expense shows a dose of reality, and reveals that you are aware of your own fallibility. Conversely, constant jabs about oneself and/or habitual self-deprecating tends to indicate low self-esteem. Further, biting and sarcastic humor can be negative on a date and reveal a certain bitterness or anger. This is quite different than a natural chuckle and use of humor. When out on a date, it’s strongly advised that you also stay away from “bash fests” about one’s ex, pointing out all their flaws and limitations. Usually one isn’t distant enough from an ex-spouse or partner to be able to do this without a hidden agenda or re-expose unresolved hurt. This also applies to jokes about ex-in-laws, as often problems with in-laws were mitigating factors in a relationship ending. Extremes of mocking another or oneself indicate unresolved issues that need to be addressed. Though some professionals advise maintaining a self-confident demeanor, people seem to feel more connected with someone who is able to show their vulnerabilities and has some degree of humility. Humility is a nice quality to see and it shows that you aren’t overly impressed with yourself, and full of self-pride. When someone makes a joke about themselves, they don’t seem to be full of self-importance or carrying a big ego. Instead, they seem like a real human being. We tend to lower our guard when humor is used because we don’t have to be “performing “all the time. This in turn allows us to laugh at ourselves and reveal something personal to another that may show a flaw or weak spot as well. In short, interspersing jokes and humorous remarks organically into a conversation enliven it and ultimately lead to greater closeness.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: date, dating, humility, humor, relationship, self-confidence, self-pride
Posted in Blind Dates, Dating Men | 1 Comment »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
Often we gravitate to dates who don’t treat us with respect and kindness. Don’t hang all your hopes on obvious, surface characteristics such as the way your date dresses, or the fact that he may be proverbially tall, dark and handsome. Examine in-depth what your date’s qualities are. How does he treat you? How does he treat your kids (if you have any). Can you talk about personal matters easily? Do you feel comfortable with your date, or do you feel you need to always “perform” and are trying to measure up to some unspoken standard? Look at the values that are the most important to you and try to accurately assess whether they’re fulfilled in the relationship or not. If you’re sensing that there is very little chemistry, could it be that you’re still having strong feelings for someone in your past and you continue to hold that relationship as the model? Each person is unique. To use a former love interest as the archetype will ultimately create problems for your future relationships. We all have countless aspect to ourselves; the way we think; what we perceive; and how we react in various situations. Different people draw out very different combinations of these qualities. Think of your date as a mirror. Ideally, the best date is someone who accurately reflects or brings out the best in you! Recently a friend told me that she liked her new date because whenever they rent a movie if they both missed a part on the DVD he’d rewind it so they could hear it. Her ex-husband would never rewind it but would tell her that the part wasn’t important. Sometimes little touches like this make a relationship very special. If there are a lot of positives, but you’re not necessarily feeling that earth-shattering “spark”, don’t rule the date out. Obviously if the person has many habits that make you cringe then this will not be a good match despite the good qualities you may notice. However, keep an open mind. No attraction is different than repulsion! Friendships can mature into romance. Remember, some of the most successful relationships are predicated on becoming best friends to one another first. This simply takes time, space, and context – experiencing your date in a myriad of situations which enable your comfort, trust, respect and ultimately love to grow.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: chemistry, concerns, hopes, kindness, Love, personality, relationship, respect, romantic, spark, special, trust
Posted in Blind Dates, Dating Courses, Dating Men | No Comments »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
Are there certain qualities about your partner that you can see may be difficult for your child? For instance, is there a certain tone of voice your date may be using, or an offensive habit your date doesn’t realize he or she engages in? It could also be that your date doesn’t realize that they are being too critical or they interrupt others when they speak. If this is the case and it seems that the absence of this quality would enable your partner to experience personal growth, and you’re reasonable confident that your date is open to constructive dialog, it’s worth trying to discuss the subject. This has to be pointed out artfully and of course they may or not be motivated to make the commitment, and take the necessary steps, to change. If your child is also feeling the effects of the same abrasive characteristic in your new date, it is often helpful to have your date spend time alone with your child. They actually may get along better in your absence.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: change, children, commitment, concerns, dates, dating, dialog, habit, kids, relationship, romantic, tension
Posted in Dating Men | No Comments »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
There are many things that you need to keep in mind when it comes to ablind date, and safety is paramount. If you are going on a blind date with someone who your friends know, or your family has set you up with, you can be reasonably sure that this is someone your family or your friends trust. However, you can never be too careful, because oftentimes people will present themselves someway and will act totally different. You need to be consistently cautious when you are going on a blind date, no matter how you got set up. It is especially important to be extra cautious when going on a blind date with someone you met over the internet, via a dating service, or advertisement. It is important that you use caution because over the internet or dating services, a person can present themselves in any number of ways, and none of these ways might be how they actually are. You never really know who you are going to be dealing with when it comes to a blind date. In order to be safe on a blind date, you first need to make sure that you know exactly where you are going. If the location is in an area you are unfamiliar with, be sure to bring explicit directions. If you sense the location is not in an appropriately safe area, change it! Pick a location that is well lit and well populated, like a busy restaurant or other place where you know there will be a lot of people. Tell your friends and/or family where you will be, when you expect to be there, and share any and all details about who you will be with. Be certain you have your cell phone with you at all times, and that it is fully charged! If you ever feel uncomfortable about anything transpiring during the date, you should have a friend that is ready and willing to come at the drop of a hat and pick you up, wherever you are. You should also have the number of a taxi service ready as well, so that you can call them if you can’t find another ride. Remember that if you ever feel uncomfortable on a blind date, or wish the date to be over, you have the right to conclude the date immediately. Trust your instincts. You often know better than you think about recognizing both good and questionable situations. Your instincts will rarely let you down, and might even save your life.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: blind-date, caution, cautious, dates, dating, instincts, internet, intuition, match, meeting, men, online, preparation, relationship, safe, safety
Posted in Dating Courses | No Comments »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
Always be yourself on a date. Strive to always be truthful when answering your date’s questions. You should always remember that lying is NEVER a good idea. You don’t want to portray yourself in a way that is simply inaccurate, so you should always, always be truthful about who you are. Also, you should share a little bit about yourself on the date. You may not want to go into too much detail about yourself initially, but share with your date enough so that they’re tantalized about learning more. Give them a little history, share a little about your family, and tell them about what you do, things that you believe in, and what you see for yourself in the future. Share as much as you feel comfortable, without boring your date by talking too much about yourself. Listen carefully to your date. Let your date know that you are genuinely interested in them by listening to what they are choosing to share with you. Be respectful and stay focused, this way you’ll be able to respond accordingly when they ask you a question about what they’ve just shared with you. No one wants to go on a date with someone who isn’t listening to them, as this is tantamount to telling your date they aren’t worthy of your attention or respect. This will likely bring your date to a very abrupt end. Do be appropriate when you are talking to someone. You might not know how they believe or what they think about certain issues, so try to be positive and refrain from saying things about specific issues when you don’t know where they stand. Ask them how they feel before blurting out your views, so that you don’t hurt their feelings. Keep the conversation away from your past relationships. This is not something that is healthy for either of you to want to discuss on a blind date. You might be surprised at how easy it is to offend someone simply by talking about a person you used to know or a person you used to date. It is also easy to complain about your ex – people who you have dated that haven’t turned out to be the best thing for you are certainly easy to bring up in conversation because, let’s face it, everyone has terrible “ex” stories. But try to keep the conversation pointed in the right, i.e. POSITIVE direction, and away from your exes. It might seem hard at times to keep things going forward and not look back, but if you get into a relationship with someone, you’ll be glad that you did. It is always best to look forward.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: blind-date, comfortable, dates, dating, honest, match, meeting, men, personal-history, relationship, truthful, woman
Posted in Dating Courses | 1 Comment »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
When you’re on a blind date, don’t lie. Strive to always be yourself. You needn’t pretend to be someone that you aren’t. After all, isn’t part of the dating quest to find someone who likes, and eventually loves you for YOU? Dishonesty will only lead to the date being a disaster for both of you. If you are out on a date, and you sense that the other person isn’t being truthful, you know that ultimately you can’t trust them, and you aren’t going to want to continue the date, much less go out on another date with them.
Don’t bore your date with too many elaborate details about your past, unless they are very engaging, funny, or otherwise interesting details. You will be able to gage your date’s interest by any number of visual or auditory clues, most notably they smile and ask for you to elaborate! Talk a little about yourself but don’t go into too much detail, especially if you are sensing that the other person isn’t interested.
Don’t bogart the conversation. Try to listen carefully as well. Don’t make it seem like you only want to hear yourself talk. If you appear to be overly self-centered, your date is not likely is to want to take you out on a date again, because all you do is talk about yourself.
Don’t bring up the past or reference your last relationship. This might seem like a convenient topic, but it isn’t appropriated for your first date. Remember, you’re still dating because your former romantic interests didn’t work out. Additionally, if your date appears to be navigating the conversation toward a former relationship, be confident about gently nudging them toward a more promising subject!
Don’t be too opinioned right away. You don’t know how your date feels about various subjects, so if you start to talk about a potentially controversial subject, you might inadvertently offend or hurt your date by saying something negative about a cause they support. Test the waters before you start to talk about subjects such as politics or current events. Get a feel for what they believe, and proceed with tact. Remember to always be kind!
In short, it’s important to remember that when you’re on a blind date, you don’t want to make the other person feel uncomfortable in any way. No matter what, make sure that you aren’t doing or saying things that might lead your date to misjudge who you are, or take you seriously about something that you don’t want to appear to feel seriously about. Don’t make a big deal out of the little things. In other words, keep the conversation light and breezy!
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: beliefs, blind-date, dates, dating, dishonesty, engaging, fun, funny, honest, interests, men, relationship, values, woman
Posted in Blind Dates, Dating Courses, Dating Men, Dating Tips, Dating Women | No Comments »
Friday, April 18th, 2008
When out on a date, it’s strongly advised that you also stay away from “bash fests” about your ex, pointing out all their flaws and limitations. Talking about your ex might seem like a convenient topic, but it isn’t appropriated for your first date, but you’re usually not distant enough from an ex-spouse or partner to be able to do this without a hidden agenda or re-expose unresolved hurt. This is not something that is healthy for either of you to want to discuss on a blind date. Remember, you’re still dating because your former romantic interests didn’t work out. Additionally, if your date appears to be navigating the conversation toward a former relationship, be confident about gently nudging them toward a more promising subject! You might be surprised at how easy it is to offend someone simply by talking about a person you used to know or a person you used to date. It is also easy to complain about your ex – people who you have dated that haven’t turned out to be the best thing for you are certainly easy to bring up in conversation because, let’s face it, everyone has terrible “ex” stories. But try to keep the conversation pointed in the right, i.e. POSITIVE direction, and away from your exes. It might seem hard at times to keep things going forward and not look back, but if you get into a relationship with someone, you’ll be glad that you did. It is always best to look forward.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: blind-date, communication, concerns, dates, dating, discretion, exes, relationship, romantic
Posted in Blind Dates, Dating & Children, Dating Courses, Dating Men, Dating Women | 2 Comments »
