Friday, March 6th, 2009
Being Too Shy Many people think that online dating is a wonderful way for people who are shy to date. Well guess what? Being shy online will lead to just as many failed attempts at dating as it does in the offline world. If you don’t want to fail at online dating, you’ve got to come out of your shell. Being Passive Rather Than Active This is different than being shy. Passive daters are not fully committed to the idea of online dating. They approach it with half of their attention and most don’t commit to a paid membership which puts everyone at a disadvantage. Regardless of the reason for your passivity, whether you’re indecisive, fear rejection or are just too lazy, failing at online dating will be a blow to your ego. Cutting & Pasting Your Replies Some people will see through this masked attempt at originality. This type of correspondence is impersonal and if it’s all you’ve got time for, then perhaps you don’t really have enough time for dating. If you do this because you’re not good with words, then read how others respond to your messages and use these as guides. Nobody likes a form letter, especially when they’re looking for romance. Sounding Negative or Arrogant No one wants to talk to someone who is a downer or just the opposite, someone who cannot stop talking about him/herself. Keep your negative experiences to yourself. You’re starting anew and there is no need to drag your past into your future. And a successful relationship is a two-way relationship. If you do all the talking, it won’t ever develop into anything more than a one-way dead end. Making Overt or Borderline Sexually Harassing Comments Asking questions that are too personal or offering up blunt descriptions of what you think is an almost guaranteed way to scare off your prospective dates. Plus doing so could put your membership in jeopardy. Lying About Your Relationship Status You’ll get away with this type of lie for some period, but ultimately, always, this type of lie will come back to bite you and it will hurt either you or the person you’re involved with. Lying About Your Real Looks It’s tempting to use photo enhancement tools to make your photo more alluring. Plenty of online daters do this. Or they post a photo that is 10 or so years old. Whether your photo isn’t an accurate representation, or whether the words you use to describe your physical appearance are exaggerated, lying about your looks is another reason people fail at online dating. Corresponding Only with the ‘Hotties’ You’ve got just as much chance getting hooked up with the person behind the stunning image as you do if you saw that person at a trendy nightclub slim to none. That person will be bombarded with email and the chances of finding yours AND finding yours interesting are slim. Get back to reality or online dating will never work for you!
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: arrogance, concerns, dates, dating, harassment, honest, image, indecisive, internet, negative, online, overt, passive, rejection, shy
Posted in Blind Dates, Dating Men, Dating Women, Online Dating | 1 Comment »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
You had a fabulous time on the first date: He was so easy to talk to that you felt like you had known him for years. He seemed to have your same tastes in food and movies, and you were amazed at how well you got along and look forward to the next date. If you’re honest, you felt such a connection to him that you told your best friend that you may have found your Mr. Right. Then the next day passes with no phone call. After a week, you stop checking voice mail, email or making excuses for him and accept that he’s not going to call you. How do you handle the rejection? You could head for the ice cream shop and drown your sorrows in scoops of rich ice cream with cookies and sprinkles on top. Hanging around the house in an old bathrobe crying is another way to deal with the hurt you feel. Drinking alcohol, driving too fast or getting angry and trash-talking about him are other destructive ways to cope with your sadness. So far that’s a look at how you might act in private or with friends, but eventually you might run into him again. If you work in the same company or even within the same industry, chances are you’ll see him again. If you met him through friends, then you can count on landing in the same social setting before long. How you handle yourself in that situation is going to be seen by others, so you need to think it over before it happens to avoid making a fool of yourself over a guy who doesn’t deserve your attention. Maybe you’ve imagined how you might “tell him off” – but is that what you really want to do? First of all, if he didn’t care enough about you to call after the date as he said he would, then he simply doesn’t care what you think. Telling him how you feel won’t change him because he has no interest in you. If you do that, you are the one who looks foolish in front of friends or co-workers. Or you might be fantasizing about “showing him what he missed” by parading a new date in front of the last one. Reality check: He won’t care and your new guy won’t like being used to cause jealousy in another man. You lose on both counts. The longer you obsess about him, the more you build up something that’s more than what it ever was. You can analyze your dating conversation a thousand ways so that you eventually hear something that wasn’t said and believe something that never happened. That’s the power of obsession – it turns reality into fantasy that you begin to believe. Don’t resort to high school dating tricks like sending him anonymous cards that are sweet or sarcastic. And definitely don’t drive by his house at all hours to see who is with him. You can’t win him over by stalking him, just be glad that he realized you two weren’t right for each other and move on to find the one who will treasure you most. In short, as one friend aptly expressed: If someone’s dishonored you, don’t let them live rent-free in your head. Move On!!!
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: communication, connection, conversation, dating, destructive, internet, Love, match, obsess, online, rejection, simpatico, social, sorrows, women
Posted in Blind Dates, Dating Courses, Dating Men | 1 Comment »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
People who like to save money prefer to be called “frugal” rather than cheap. On the other hand, those who do not like to have the money factor be the primary guiding principle prefer to use the word “stingy” or “cheap” to characterize someone who is detrimentally careful with the money they spend. When can someone who closely monitors their money be ascribed the label of cheap or stingy? There is no hard and fast rule on this matter. A lot of our reactions have to do with our preferences, unique situation, or even our family backgrounds. A person may be frugal for a variety of reasons, including their focusing on their future retirement or a fear of job insecurity and future downsizing, or observation of their parents spending habits. If your parents took the family out to dinner regularly, this may be a familiar and welcome part of your lifestyle. But to another person, eating out can be something reserved only for a special occasion. Having a date that is a coupon clipper can be seen as restrictive to you if you aren’t used to the practice. Money is one of the biggest reasons for relationship break ups, so it’s good to be on the same page about the subject if you are thinking about getting serious with someone. Different approaches towards money don’t necessarily have to be in opposition, but rather may be perceived as complimentary. For instance, you might actually enjoy that your date has taken the time to find and bring a coupon when you go to a restaurant or to a movies, thereby alleviating the need for you to read the newspapers to search for deals. If your love interest’s approach to finances constantly nags at you, try to resolve in your own mind how important this is to you. Will you always be frustrated by the emphasis on cutting costs and not be able to relax or have a sense of humor about it? If you can’t see the other positive qualities in your relationship and instead find yourself constantly harping on this verbally or in your own mind, then it probably won’t work at this time in your life. Do you continually argue and lock horns often over such differences? How attached are you to your personal preferences? Picture yourself not dating this person and what your life would be like. Also think carefully about your date and ask yourself whether you may be creating a “dream date” and not wanting to have a realistically compromise or working through potential difficulties with your date. Is this realistic? When you can overlook certain differences with your date, you may ultimately be able to laugh at yourself and your date, and realize that these differences may even enhance your relationship, and lead to the relationship becoming stronger.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: cheap.stingy, communication, compromise, concerns, dates, dating, differences, frugal, influences, instincts, match, meeting, money, rejection, relationship
Posted in Dating Courses, Dating Men | 1 Comment »
