Friday, February 27th, 2009
You had a fabulous time on the first date: He was so easy to talk to that you felt like you had known him for years. He seemed to have your same tastes in food and movies, and you were amazed at how well you got along and look forward to the next date. If you’re honest, you felt such a connection to him that you told your best friend that you may have found your Mr. Right. Then the next day passes with no phone call. After a week, you stop checking voice mail, email or making excuses for him and accept that he’s not going to call you. How do you handle the rejection? You could head for the ice cream shop and drown your sorrows in scoops of rich ice cream with cookies and sprinkles on top. Hanging around the house in an old bathrobe crying is another way to deal with the hurt you feel. Drinking alcohol, driving too fast or getting angry and trash-talking about him are other destructive ways to cope with your sadness. So far that’s a look at how you might act in private or with friends, but eventually you might run into him again. If you work in the same company or even within the same industry, chances are you’ll see him again. If you met him through friends, then you can count on landing in the same social setting before long. How you handle yourself in that situation is going to be seen by others, so you need to think it over before it happens to avoid making a fool of yourself over a guy who doesn’t deserve your attention. Maybe you’ve imagined how you might “tell him off” – but is that what you really want to do? First of all, if he didn’t care enough about you to call after the date as he said he would, then he simply doesn’t care what you think. Telling him how you feel won’t change him because he has no interest in you. If you do that, you are the one who looks foolish in front of friends or co-workers. Or you might be fantasizing about “showing him what he missed” by parading a new date in front of the last one. Reality check: He won’t care and your new guy won’t like being used to cause jealousy in another man. You lose on both counts. The longer you obsess about him, the more you build up something that’s more than what it ever was. You can analyze your dating conversation a thousand ways so that you eventually hear something that wasn’t said and believe something that never happened. That’s the power of obsession – it turns reality into fantasy that you begin to believe. Don’t resort to high school dating tricks like sending him anonymous cards that are sweet or sarcastic. And definitely don’t drive by his house at all hours to see who is with him. You can’t win him over by stalking him, just be glad that he realized you two weren’t right for each other and move on to find the one who will treasure you most. In short, as one friend aptly expressed: If someone’s dishonored you, don’t let them live rent-free in your head. Move On!!!
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: communication, connection, conversation, dating, destructive, internet, Love, match, obsess, online, rejection, simpatico, social, sorrows, women
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Friday, February 27th, 2009
Humor enables newly introduced couples to relax and feel comfortable in nearly any situation, including dating . Poking fun at oneself is also a way to make your date feel at ease. An easy, healthy laugh at one’s own expense shows a dose of reality, and reveals that you are aware of your own fallibility. Conversely, constant jabs about oneself and/or habitual self-deprecating tends to indicate low self-esteem. Further, biting and sarcastic humor can be negative on a date and reveal a certain bitterness or anger. This is quite different than a natural chuckle and use of humor. When out on a date, it’s strongly advised that you also stay away from “bash fests” about one’s ex, pointing out all their flaws and limitations. Usually one isn’t distant enough from an ex-spouse or partner to be able to do this without a hidden agenda or re-expose unresolved hurt. This also applies to jokes about ex-in-laws, as often problems with in-laws were mitigating factors in a relationship ending. Extremes of mocking another or oneself indicate unresolved issues that need to be addressed. When someone makes a joke about themselves, they don’t seem to be full of self-importance or carrying a big ego. Instead, they seem like a real human being. We tend to lower our guard when humor is used because we don’t have to be “performing “all the time. This in turn allows us to laugh at ourselves and reveal something personal to another that may show a flaw or weak spot as well. In short, interspersing jokes and humorous remarks organically into a conversation enliven it and ultimately lead to greater closeness.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: blind-dates, communication, conversation, dates, dating, focus, humerous, humor, joke, joking, laugh, meeting, men, self-esteem
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Sunday, September 25th, 2005
Sometimes a blind date goes well! It is indeed possible to hit it off with someone you’ve been set up with. This most often happens when you go out with someone your friends thought would be a good match for you. Your friends often know you best, so if they sense that someone they know may be a good match, there’s a good chance this will be true. You might also have the good fortune of meeting someone online or through a personal ad and end up falling with that person as well. So, what do you do when a blind date goes well? There are several options. You might want to be honest and simply tell your date that you are having a good time. This will allow your date to see that you are genuinely enjoying yourself. You might be surprised to hear that they are having a good time as well. If this is the case, both of you might feel comfortable asking for, and arranging, another date. If a blind date goes well, but neither of you has asked the other for a second date by the end of the night, you might want to ask if it’s okay if you call them sometime. If they say it is, then you should wait a couple of days before you call them and see if they’d like to get together again. If they call you, make sure that you say yes! Blind dates can indeed lead to something that is going to last a while, so you shouldn’t keep yourself from going out on dates just because you don’t know the person at all. If you keep your mind open to new possibilities, you might be surprised at what you find out. It could just be the best thing to ever happen to your dating life. There is always a chance something more happening when you go on a blind date!
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: blind-date, connection, conversation, dates, dating, long-lasting, Love, match, meeting, relationship
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