Are your kids having a hard time warming up to your dating partner? Are they bluntly telling you that they dislike the person you’re dating? This can be due to a variety of factors including jealousy over your time they feel is taken away from them, anger towards anyone who may appear to be displacing their mom or dad, or your child’s perception that he or she is protecting you from any future hurt in your life. It helps to sit down individually with each child to explore the underlying feelings and their source. One suggestion that can be helpful is to have your date spend time alone with the child that dislikes him or her. They may actually get along much better in your absence. This is a common occurrence when the parent isn’t in the mix. They tend to work things out naturally, and you needn’t always assume the role of mediator. Are there certain qualities about your partner that you can see may be difficult for your child? For instance, is there a certain tone of voice your date may be using, or an offensive habit your date doesn’t realize he or she engages in? It could also be that your date doesn’t realize that they are being too critical or they continually interrupt others when they speak. If this is the case and it seems that the absence of this quality would enable your partner to experience personal growth, and you’re reasonable confident that your date is open to constructive dialog, it’s worth trying to discuss the subject. This has to be pointed out artfully and of course they may or not be motivated to make the commitment, and take the necessary steps, to change. If your kids have disliked everyone you’ve ever dated, this would tend to suggest that the issue isn’t about the specific person you are dating, but has more to do with the child’s fear that the other parent is systematically being “replaced”. Encourage your child to try to open up about their feelings. This isn’t always easy, especially during the teenage years. Share with your child a little about your insecurities about your own parents’ interaction and let them view you a bit as how you were as a kid and not just in your parenting role. Kids connect more when spoken to as an equal, where appropriate. Drawn on your own childhood experiences, and try to understand your child’s perspective, and provide the reassurance they need to feel comfortable enough to give your relationship a chance.
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Tags: children, commitment, dates, dating, dialog, dislike, insecurities, jealousy, kids, mediator, motivation, partner, reassurance, relationship
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