Archive for the ‘Dating Men’ Category
Saturday, February 28th, 2009
All of us have satellite friends who flit in and out of our lives, hanging around long enough to have a little fun, and then skedaddle. If we’re fortunate, however, we have another class of friends who are so loyal that, as the saying goes, they’re the ones who show up on moving day. These are the friends who generally have your back in every conceivable way, and are the friends you need to pay attention to when they express genuine concerns about any aspect of your life – including dates. As a general rule of thumb, if one of your loyal friends expresses concern about your new date, you may be able to easily toss it off as a random judgment. If a second of your loyal friends expresses concern, it is advisable to be on alert, and spend a little time trying to ascertain whether you’re viewing the new relationship accurately. What are your friends seeing that you may be missing? If yet a third loyal friend expresses concern about your new date, a definitive pattern has been established, and at this point it’s highly advisable that you step back and take serious stock of the situation. It may have been difficult for your friends to have even made the comments they did, waiting and hoping for you to openly dialog about the subject. So at this point, do it! Ask your friends to elaborate on their observations and perceptions. Ask them for specific examples of what they see. Why, specifically are they all expressing concern? In the end, you may decide to proceed with your date, but you’ll be doing so with far more awareness of, and attention to, possible problem areas with your date.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: awareness, concerns, dates, dating, friends, observations, perceptions
Posted in Dating Courses, Dating Men, Dating Women | No Comments »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
Do you ever wonder if there are any guys out there who are worth dating? Where are they? And why can’t you find them? Yes, they’re out there – but maybe you’re looking in the wrong places. You might even know a great guy right now, but you’re passing him by because you aren’t sure what you really want. Chances are you’re letting yourself look for men the way you shop for shoes – changing your mind with each new trend or mood. Finding the right single man is not about pleasing your friends, or a competition for attracting the hottest guy at the party. Finding the right single man only happens when you know what you want in a man. Think of man-hunting like bargain hunting at a clearance sale. Sure, the neon orange skirt is 80% off the regular price, but where would you wear it? That conservative black suit is a classic, but your style is sporty and casual – it just doesn’t fit with the rest of your wardrobe. Buying another tank top that’s not your size won’t look any better because it’s on sale than the one you already have that shrank in the wash. Mr. Neon Orange may be easy to lead around, but he would never fit into your world. Mr. Conservative Black Suit runs with a more formal crowd than your flip flop loving crowd. Mr. Too-Tight Tank Top is just like Mr. Jerk that you spent months crying over last year – do you really want to do that again? You have to know what you want in a man before you can find him. So take out a piece of paper and draw three columns. The left column is for What’s Important, middle column is for Requirements and right column is for Preferences, aka, those little this called compromise points. The What’s Important column includes such items as age, income, appearance, moral value, habits like smoking/drinking, common interests, sports, commitment style and family values. Don’t try to fit any particular guys into this list – not yet. Prepare this list with absolute honesty. Decide what characteristics are must haves (Requirements) and which are like to haves (Preferences). Until you know this information, you really can’t make a solid decision about any guy. Maybe you’ve ignored nagging requirements in order to accept a certain guy as he is. That’s a relationship red flag. If you’re a personal trainer who is into natural foods, you can make all the excuses in the world, but you won’t last with a guy who smokes and craves fatty fast foods 24/7. The conflict between what’s important to him and what’s important to you means that one of you has to change. Don’t count on changing him. If you change your beliefs, how much of yourself gets lost? Over time, you’ll either resent him or resent yourself – the conflict in inevitable. Knowing what you want is the fair way to date. Why waste your time (and his) when the foundational elements aren’t there? It’s also important to be honest with yourself about the type of man that you really want. When you know how to describe him, you’ll have an easier time recognizing him when you meet him. Maybe you already know him – you just didn’t know yourself!
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: conflict, man, man-hunting, men, preferences, relationship, requirements, resentment, trustworthy
Posted in Blind Dates, Dating Men | 1 Comment »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
Before you start flirting over the copy machine, think about where an office romance could take you. In fact, your company may have a firm policy discouraging dating a co-worker or at least dating a person within the same department. Even if there’s no policy, you need to decide what’s going to be your personal policy about dating that new hot guy in the next cubicle. Granted, you spend many hours weekly at work and it’s only natural that you form friendships and occasionally choose to socialize with co-workers after hours. That time spent away from work pressures can be great for building rapport. If your socializing turns into a romance, then all the rules change. You know that it’s tough enough to concentrate on the mundane chores of your job when your mind is swirling with images of your new man. You sneak personal phone calls, emails and rush out at 4:59pm to get a jump on parking lot traffic just to be with him. Imagine how much more distracting a romance would be if your guy was only a few desks or a floor away from you all day long? Having your guy so close that you can sneak kisses in the supply room sounds wonderful, but it can also create some embarrassing situations. All of your relationship woes could become office fodder for the gossip mills.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: concerns, flirting, gossip, job, policy, pressure, relationship, socializing, workplace
Posted in Dating Men | 1 Comment »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
You had a fabulous time on the first date: He was so easy to talk to that you felt like you had known him for years. He seemed to have your same tastes in food and movies, and you were amazed at how well you got along and look forward to the next date. If you’re honest, you felt such a connection to him that you told your best friend that you may have found your Mr. Right. Then the next day passes with no phone call. After a week, you stop checking voice mail, email or making excuses for him and accept that he’s not going to call you. How do you handle the rejection? You could head for the ice cream shop and drown your sorrows in scoops of rich ice cream with cookies and sprinkles on top. Hanging around the house in an old bathrobe crying is another way to deal with the hurt you feel. Drinking alcohol, driving too fast or getting angry and trash-talking about him are other destructive ways to cope with your sadness. So far that’s a look at how you might act in private or with friends, but eventually you might run into him again. If you work in the same company or even within the same industry, chances are you’ll see him again. If you met him through friends, then you can count on landing in the same social setting before long. How you handle yourself in that situation is going to be seen by others, so you need to think it over before it happens to avoid making a fool of yourself over a guy who doesn’t deserve your attention. Maybe you’ve imagined how you might “tell him off” – but is that what you really want to do? First of all, if he didn’t care enough about you to call after the date as he said he would, then he simply doesn’t care what you think. Telling him how you feel won’t change him because he has no interest in you. If you do that, you are the one who looks foolish in front of friends or co-workers. Or you might be fantasizing about “showing him what he missed” by parading a new date in front of the last one. Reality check: He won’t care and your new guy won’t like being used to cause jealousy in another man. You lose on both counts. The longer you obsess about him, the more you build up something that’s more than what it ever was. You can analyze your dating conversation a thousand ways so that you eventually hear something that wasn’t said and believe something that never happened. That’s the power of obsession – it turns reality into fantasy that you begin to believe. Don’t resort to high school dating tricks like sending him anonymous cards that are sweet or sarcastic. And definitely don’t drive by his house at all hours to see who is with him. You can’t win him over by stalking him, just be glad that he realized you two weren’t right for each other and move on to find the one who will treasure you most. In short, as one friend aptly expressed: If someone’s dishonored you, don’t let them live rent-free in your head. Move On!!!
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: communication, connection, conversation, dating, destructive, internet, Love, match, obsess, online, rejection, simpatico, social, sorrows, women
Posted in Blind Dates, Dating Courses, Dating Men | 1 Comment »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
Dressing for a date night says a lot about yourself and about how you perceive your date. It’s not that you have to be phony or dress differently, but you do have to dress appropriately for the plans he’s made for the date. Dressing for a date when you aren’t sure about the evening plan is like going to a job interview. You’ve certainly heard the advice, dress for the job you want, rather than the job you have. That means you dress up just a bit more. For a date, apply the same advice. If you aren’t sure what to wear, go with business casual and sensible shoes. If you wear a sleeveless top, bring along a hoodie or light sweater, since you don’t know whether you’ll be inside a chilly movie theatre or sitting outside at a patio restaurant after the evening temperatures drop. It’s a smart idea to ask your date what kind of evening he has planned. If he wants to keep it a surprise, then ask whether you need to dress as you would for the office, for a sports event or for an elegant party. That gives you a range for which to choose your outfit. How you dress says so much about who you are. If you go out in a halter top with cleavage barely contained and a mini-skirt that slightly larger than his handkerchief, then you’re sending a message that he reads as “Yes” and other women may be quick to label you as “easy”. You’ll get plenty of attention, but the wrong kind of attention. If you’re getting back into the dating scene after a few years, take time to look over the current magazines for casual styles. Then ask other women who have similar styles to yours what they would wear for a date. Basic rule of thumb: if you haven’t dated for five years or more, don’t wear what you use to wear on dates. Chances are you will telegraph your dating scene absence with a wardrobe that needs freshening up. You don’t have to buy all new clothes – just edit your outfits and add a bold item that’s current. A few quick words about age-appropriate dressing: Even if you’ve lost lots of weight and just got a facelift, don’t go shopping in the junior department after age 25. You’ll add to your age by trying to look too young. So if your pre-teen daughter loves the t-shirt dress, buy it for her and not for yourself. Even if your wardrobe basics do double duty for work and social wear, keep a few items reserved only for dates. That doesn’t mean something too suggestive or provocative. Instead, find a color-saturated sweater in a shade that makes your eyes sparkle and draws attention to your face or a wrap dress that shows your figure in tastefully sexy ways and wear those items for date night. Then you’ll start the evening feeling good in an outfit that makes you feel special even before he walks through the door!
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: appropriate, attire, business-casual, clubs, dates, dating, dinner, dress, easy, elegant, judgement, match, meeting, outfit, perception, preparation, provocative, romantic, sexy, style, suggestive, tasteful, wardrobe
Posted in Blind Dates, Dating Men | No Comments »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
Ask a couple who has been married for 25 or 50 years what keeps their relationship alive and they usually tell you that they have important things in common. It may be animal magnetism that draws your attention to a man, but it’s not enough to keep you together through the decades. His wavy dark hair turns gray and falls out; his six pack abs fall into his six pack drinking beer belly; the time he spent gazing into your eyes is now spent in a trance before the television set watching NASCAR. There has to be something more than sex or fascination that keeps a couple together. Couples who share the same values have a bond that goes beyond physical attraction. It’s the very foundation for a strong, successful relationship. If you’re family shares a strong ethnic or cultural heritage, then you need to find a man who shares a similar background. Otherwise, your relationship will be strained each time his family values and yours collide. In some families, marrying outside of the ethnicity or faith creates serious divisions within the family. You may say that you’ll give up family for love, but how will you feel about this after you have children? Even the issue of whose values or faith will be practiced by the children is enough to tear apart relationships. There are a few high status couples in the media who come from different sides of the political spectrum. To say that this is a challenge is likely an understatement. You may be conservative and he’s a liberal – which makes for lively conversations. But if your political beliefs are radically different, this is going to impact how well your friends mix and how you live out your beliefs. A materialistic woman who falls for a dedicated environmentalist starts a relationship with so many opposite values. She wants all of the latest appliances and finds recycling to be too much trouble. He sorts her trash to make certain that plastics and paper are in recycle bins. In time, they will resent each other for those differences. However, you don’t have to look for a guy who is your philosophical, spiritual and emotional clone to be happy. Differences of opinion can be healthy – and even exciting. But differences that tear at the essence of the beliefs about who you are and your place in the universe become divisive and quarrelsome in any relationship. Perhaps the best way to find a mate who shares your most treasured values is to go where like-minded people can be found. It could be a weekly yoga class, or a certain church or synagogue that represents your spiritual beliefs. If you are politically inclined, join that party’s local group and work on campaigns. Environmentalists have many different expressions of saving our world, so find one that you can care deeply about and meet others who feel the same way. Why go to a bar where you never know who’s being their real self? You’ll find a better dating pool from people who share your values, beliefs, ethnicity or culture, and in the meantime, you’ll enjoy doing things that are meaningful to you.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: bond, couples, faith, foundation, magnetism, relationship, simpatico, successful, values
Posted in Dating Men | No Comments »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
Dating may seem relaxing when experienced by individuals who feel trapped in their relationships, but for those dating, it’s often not relaxing, but quite stressful. There’s anxiety about what to talk about on the date, what to wear, how you are perceived, whether you’ll like the person romantically etc. Be natural and don’t feel you have to give a performance every time you get ready to go out for a date. Try to view your date as an adventure and not a chore. In addition, a single person often feels pressure from friends, co-workers and one’s parents to finally “settle down” and find “the one”. Sometimes you can feel dread when running into someone you know, anticipating the inevitable question about finding that special someone. You can simply let your friends and family know that you are in a dating phase for now and you’ll let them know if you meet someone that you feel has potential for a long-term relationship. Try to not put additional pressure on yourself to ensure each date measures up to a certain standard you may have in mind, but instead try to be “in the moment “and focus on getting to know your date. Don’t worry about whether the date will evolve into a long-term relationship, or be distracted by the desire to finally tell your friends and family you may have met the perfect person. Just let go of everything and simply experience your date. Listen carefully, try to enjoy yourself. If nothing else, you’ll develop better communication skills and practice the fine art of relaxing even though your life isn’t fully settled yet. A lot of people have difficulty feeling whole when they aren’t in a relationship and find it to be a challenge to feel comfortable with such an unresolved issue. Learning to stay centered and relax is a very good way to gain personal strength, gain confidence and balance, and be at peace despite the fact that external circumstances are not exactly how they want them to be.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: anxiety, communication, dates, dating, match, pressure, relationship, relaxing, romantic, stress, trapped
Posted in Blind Dates, Dating Men, Dating Women | No Comments »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
Are your kids having a hard time warming up to your dating partner? Are they bluntly telling you that they dislike the person you’re dating? This can be due to a variety of factors including jealousy over your time they feel is taken away from them, anger towards anyone who may appear to be displacing their mom or dad, or your child’s perception that he or she is protecting you from any future hurt in your life. It helps to sit down individually with each child to explore the underlying feelings and their source. One suggestion that can be helpful is to have your date spend time alone with the child that dislikes him or her. They may actually get along much better in your absence. This is a common occurrence when the parent isn’t in the mix. They tend to work things out naturally, and you needn’t always assume the role of mediator. Are there certain qualities about your partner that you can see may be difficult for your child? For instance, is there a certain tone of voice your date may be using, or an offensive habit your date doesn’t realize he or she engages in? It could also be that your date doesn’t realize that they are being too critical or they continually interrupt others when they speak. If this is the case and it seems that the absence of this quality would enable your partner to experience personal growth, and you’re reasonable confident that your date is open to constructive dialog, it’s worth trying to discuss the subject. This has to be pointed out artfully and of course they may or not be motivated to make the commitment, and take the necessary steps, to change. If your kids have disliked everyone you’ve ever dated, this would tend to suggest that the issue isn’t about the specific person you are dating, but has more to do with the child’s fear that the other parent is systematically being “replaced”. Encourage your child to try to open up about their feelings. This isn’t always easy, especially during the teenage years. Share with your child a little about your insecurities about your own parents’ interaction and let them view you a bit as how you were as a kid and not just in your parenting role. Kids connect more when spoken to as an equal, where appropriate. Drawn on your own childhood experiences, and try to understand your child’s perspective, and provide the reassurance they need to feel comfortable enough to give your relationship a chance.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: children, commitment, dates, dating, dialog, dislike, insecurities, jealousy, kids, mediator, motivation, partner, reassurance, relationship
Posted in Dating & Children, Dating Men, Dating Women | 1 Comment »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
One of the most important aspects of a successful date is feeling comfortable. Part of feeling comfortable on a blind date, a scenario inherently rife with anticipation and potential anxiety, is to dictate the first impressions you make as soon as you walk into the room. There are some general guidelines when it comes to dressing for a blind date, and some of them could make or break your level of success when it comes to making a good, and accurate, first impression. First of all, dress appropriately. I.e.; if you’re going to be outside, you need to dress for the potential of walking on pavement, or cobblestone, or grass, or even sand. You never know when you might end up taking a romantic stroll, so be prepared! You’d hate to give up a chance to be romantic because you forgot to bring a coat or versatile shoes. Dress for the weather as well. No one wants to have their date shivering all night because they weren’t conscientious about dressing properly. If you are going to be going to an upscale locale, make sure that you dress the part. Do your homework; research the restaurant and make sure that you dress appropriately. The same goes for anything else you are planning on doing on your date. This is the first time your date will be seeing you, so make it count. It is always best to give the very best first impression that you can. Also, try to keep in mind the image that you want to convey about yourself. If you want to appear to be a certain way, you should dress that way. If you don’t dress how you want to appear, there is a chance that you aren’t going to be perceived the way you want to. The moment your date sees you, various split-second judgments and assessments will be made, conveying countless details about who you are and what you might be like. Be sure to dress as yourself, but dress also as you want others to see you.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: appearance, dates, dating, dress, guidelines, impression, internet, match, meeting, perception, preparation, relationship, rules, safety
Posted in Blind Dates, Dating Men | No Comments »
Friday, February 27th, 2009
People who like to save money prefer to be called “frugal” rather than cheap. On the other hand, those who do not like to have the money factor be the primary guiding principle prefer to use the word “stingy” or “cheap” to characterize someone who is detrimentally careful with the money they spend. When can someone who closely monitors their money be ascribed the label of cheap or stingy? There is no hard and fast rule on this matter. A lot of our reactions have to do with our preferences, unique situation, or even our family backgrounds. A person may be frugal for a variety of reasons, including their focusing on their future retirement or a fear of job insecurity and future downsizing, or observation of their parents spending habits. If your parents took the family out to dinner regularly, this may be a familiar and welcome part of your lifestyle. But to another person, eating out can be something reserved only for a special occasion. Having a date that is a coupon clipper can be seen as restrictive to you if you aren’t used to the practice. Money is one of the biggest reasons for relationship break ups, so it’s good to be on the same page about the subject if you are thinking about getting serious with someone. Different approaches towards money don’t necessarily have to be in opposition, but rather may be perceived as complimentary. For instance, you might actually enjoy that your date has taken the time to find and bring a coupon when you go to a restaurant or to a movies, thereby alleviating the need for you to read the newspapers to search for deals. If your love interest’s approach to finances constantly nags at you, try to resolve in your own mind how important this is to you. Will you always be frustrated by the emphasis on cutting costs and not be able to relax or have a sense of humor about it? If you can’t see the other positive qualities in your relationship and instead find yourself constantly harping on this verbally or in your own mind, then it probably won’t work at this time in your life. Do you continually argue and lock horns often over such differences? How attached are you to your personal preferences? Picture yourself not dating this person and what your life would be like. Also think carefully about your date and ask yourself whether you may be creating a “dream date” and not wanting to have a realistically compromise or working through potential difficulties with your date. Is this realistic? When you can overlook certain differences with your date, you may ultimately be able to laugh at yourself and your date, and realize that these differences may even enhance your relationship, and lead to the relationship becoming stronger.
Ó 2009 Prepare LLC and Anna Karimo. All Rights Reserved.
Tags: cheap.stingy, communication, compromise, concerns, dates, dating, differences, frugal, influences, instincts, match, meeting, money, rejection, relationship
Posted in Dating Courses, Dating Men | 1 Comment »
