Money is one of the biggest issues that couples fight over. This probably doesn’t surprise you. I noticed that many couples didn’t fight over money just because they didn’t have it, but they fought over it because they thought it wasn’t divided fairly. One couple complained of not having enough money for the necessities like food and rent. The guy went out and bought a $70 pair of shoes, and the woman was understandably upset…until he gave her permission to buy a new, expensive purse. However, this was just a temporary fix. The initial problem of them not being able to pay rent went unsolved.
Often, even couples who were well off financially had arguments over money. These people could easily afford the necessities, but often one person feels that he or she is more entitled to the money than the other person. Sometimes, the man is the main bread winner and thinks that he should have access to more of the funds because the money came from his paycheck. The caretaker in turn thinks that she’s entitled to more money because of the work she puts into the household. She cleans, takes care of the kids (a BIG job) and does the day-to-day things that make the household function.
Other times, one partner objectively spends way too much money on things he or she doesn’t need and gets the couple into debt. This can create really big problems because it can cause a lot of anger and resentment. Plus, being in debt causes a lot of stress, and stress is not good in general. A shopping addiction is a much harder problem to address than not be organized enough in your finances.
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How to fix it
First, pool all of the money you both make. From the pool, take out the money for the things both of you need and use, like rent, electricity, cable, groceries, etc. If doable, put some in savings, and then divide the rest evenly among yourselves. You can choose to save a portion of your cut of the money if you want to buy something big, or you can spend it on whatever you want. This way it is fair to both people, and you won’t feel compelled to nag your partner about his or her new purchase. It is crucial that you both stick to the plan. This plan will not help you if you spend all of your personal money immediately and then either beg your partner for more money or take money that was set aside for something else, like rent or savings.
However, if you or your partner has a shopping addiction and cannot stop shopping excessively, you need to seek outside help. It would be a good idea to hire a financial planner or a therapist if you or your partner still can’t stick to a budget.
If you still have a hard time sticking to the budget because you put more than allotted on your credit card, you need to make things stricter. Calculate how much money will go towards each thing (rent, bills, savings, personal money), and put each amount in a jar in cash. Only use the money in the jars. This way, you’ll see how much you have left.
If you’re organized and communicate well, you shouldn’t argue about money. Avoid this huge problem, and your relationship will go a LOT smoother. Being in a relationship can be stressful enough, and it will do you a world of good to not fight over the #1 stressor—money.
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